A new chapter

Today marked the end of a long road for me. Some of you may know that I took over my grandmother's estate in April 2007 after my mom went into MD Anderson. It would take too long and I'm too tired to chronicle all that has happened with the estate since that time last year and now, but it has been hard. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I wanted to quit, just give up, but God consistently said "No" there were lessons to be learned and I had to persevere. Today I closed on the sale of my grandmother's house. It was on the market for 357 looooooooong days. The house was a huge burden to say the least, and I was ready to get rid of it believe me!!! But today as I drove to the closing I cried. I cried because I miss my Nani, I miss sitting at her kitchen table and telling her all my secrets, I miss eating ice cream for dinner and miss trying on all the clothes she saved from the 40s, 50s & 60s...she had some serious style people!! I cried because it is the closing of a chapter in my life, and I'm tired of having to say goodbye to people and things that I love. But God tells us in Matthew to store up our treasure in heaven, and he also tells us in 2 Corinthians that what is seen is temporary and what is unseen is eternal, not to set my sight on the here and now, but look forward to what he has prepared for us in eternity. If you read my older blog posts, you will see that this is a theme for me right now. I have had to say goodbye a lot in a short amount of time, but through this I know God is at work. He is more concerned with changing my heart than my circumstances. He is pushing me to change, and in order to do that he has lined up some circumstances that make me uncomfortable...like having to say goodbye. I know I can't hang onto the past and still be healthy, but I would certainly try. Thankfully he pushes me to change because I would never do it on my own. So here I go, I'm leaving behind a house, but keeping my memories. I'm moving on because that's what I have to do, it's just bittersweet sometimes.

Ok, I'm going to try not to be so depressing all the time. Please bear with me as I go through this season of grief!

Love you all!

Aby (no that's not a typo, but the only people who would get it are in heaven now!)

3 Months and lots of smiles

I can not believe Bethany turned three months old on Tuesday. She is so big and cute as a bug. I really wish she would stop growing up so fast though, it's making Mommy sad.

Russell loves to call her "Bethel" you know like Bethany and Russell combined and Aubrey calls her "Bethy". Her Daddy calls her "Princess" and I call her "Janie", so needless to say we are confusing her and there is a high likelihood that she will not know her name anytime soon.

Abby

A Grey Day

It's been raining here now for two days and my mood is like the weather...grey. It's days like today when I used to be able to call my mom, and the moment I would hear her voice on the other end of the phone I would feel better. She would listen to me and understand when I would say it's been one of those days with the kids, she would sympathize that I have too many things to do and not enough hours in the day to do them, she would laugh when I told her that Bethany had to have a bath in the middle of the day due to a blow out diaper and then she would tell me that I did the same when I was little, she would cry with me because my heart hurts and encourage me to go to God. I'm grateful that she took the 29 years we shared here on earth and poured herself into me, I am blessed because of her love. I look forward to spending an eternity in the presence of my Savior, with my Mom there too.

"Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope." 1 Thessalonians 4:13

I miss you Mama! I love you stars in sky!

Abbies

You look pretty with a sticker

I'm sure it wouldn't come as a surprise to many who read this blog that it is a tad choatic at our house most of the time, but especially when we are loading up to go somewhere. Since we have somewhere to be all but Friday and Saturday mornings, loading up is routine and choas is accepted as normal around here. This morning as we were getting ready to leave for Aspire we were running late, as usual, and I needed to go to the bathroom. I decided, instead of waiting until we got to Aspire and I had on less kid to look after, I would just go before we left the house. Why would I wait you ask? Well, it's simple, my kids realize I'm helpless to do anything when I'm occupied in the bathroom and that's when "things" happen around here:

Exhibit A: Look closely at her hands. Yes that is a stamp you see. She was being a "good little sister" and of course all good little sisters deserve stamps on their hands...mind you, she was only 3 weeks old here.

Exhibit B: Today, as I am in the bathroom, I hear Russell say " You look pretty with a sticker" and I knew he had decorated his sister somehow. I immediately think, he has the markers out too, uh oh, so I rush out to find this...pretty with a sticker

Not too bad, at least there were no markers involved this time.

Here are some more recent pictures:

Bethany and Daddy after church

Hey! Do I know you?

Daddy and his Princess

Smiley Girl!!

Love you all,

Abby

Do you need a map?

Today I thought I would be a nice Mommy and let Russell and Aubrey watch Word World, a treat usually reserved for Fridays, so I could nurse Bethany in peace. Russell came to check on us a few times while we were rocking in Bethany's room, and he showed me how he could put the markers together to make a really long stick. I probably should have paid attention to the little alarm going off in my head that was telling me to confiscate the markers immediately, but that would cause a fight and disrupt the peace I really wanted, so I did what any mom who needs a break would do...I ignored the alarm. Fast forward 30 minutes when I walked into our living room. What did I find???? Pink marker scibbled all over the carpet.

"Russell!!! Come here, NOW!" , I say through gritted teeth

"What is it Mama", he says with his most charming grin

"What is on the floor", I say still through gritted teeth

"That's my map", he says

"Your MAP???", I reply

"Yeah, my map, I drew it so that Scoop would know where to drive." he replies, still grinning at me

So we chat about how we write on paper and not the carpet and that he can pull out the car mat if he wants Scoop to have a map. We clean up the mess, thankfully it was Crayola washable markers and it comes out easily. Then I go sneak away and go have a good laugh! :)

I'm so glad that I get to be the one to clean up his little messes!

Tonight

Dear Aubrey Ann,

Tonight you let me hold your little hand as you went to sleep. As I watched you fighting your exauhstion, tossing and turning, you held my pinky tightly. I guess it made you feel safe while you were trying to calm down. I remember my Mama used to hold my hand like that too and pray for me. Now it's my turn to hold your hand and pray...what an honor! Precious little girl, I love you, I'm blessed to be your Mommy.

Love,
Mommy